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I don't listen to sad songs. I get no satisfaction out of crying on purpose.

Gloria Jean Grant April 13, 1958 July 17, 2014

Some if not all of what you are about to read.

It is about a life lived.

Most obituaries do not give a true idea of the deceased. 

So to give you a idea of who Gloria is there was no other way to write it is.

I used the word "is" instead  of "was" because a very wise man told that just because the person died they are still the person they were when they left. Nothing else has changed other than they are dead.

Sunday July 17, 2016

One More Day
The last month of Gloria's she was in the hospital three times. Each time everybody expected it to be her last time coming home alive. That is everybody except Gloria and myself. People at the hospital kept asking about a living will and  do not resuscitate. Gloria would not even consider it. she said to me "I did not come this far to give up now" I never mentioned it again. When I first met Gloria she only needed oxygen when she was sleeping. She had COPD chronic obstructive pulmonary disease. Over the course of fourteen years it became 24/7.

Seven years before she died I took her to Las Vegas. She arranged for an oxygen machine and tanks to be in our room when we arrived. We rented a wheelchair and did Las Vegas. I was funny because it wasn't until a doorman at a casino pointed out that we were using a extra wide wheelchair. That explained why it was tough getting around.

But anyway the point is she went without oxygen the trip there and back. No oxygen on the plane. Still she went. She lived her life to the very end.

The second to last time she was in the hospital it was for 16 days give or take. Before she came home she had some physical therapy at the hospital. The therapists got her a walker and she made it around the nurses station which is square and quite a distance. Gloria told me that at the end of her walk the nurses gave her a standing ovation.

I was happy and proud of her. But  I was not surprised that she made it.

Gloria had tons of clothes. Too many. There was no room in the closet for mine. Now I see that is was insensitive on my part because while she was in the hospital it made sense to me to box up some of her clothes. I mean Gloria was not going to wear jogging pants and running shoes. Her life was spent in the house wearing pajamas.  I have to laugh about it now because Gloria was not too pleased that I boxed up her clothes.

So the very last time Gloria was in the hospital she was on life support for a week or so. It was decided by the sister who was 300 miles away and the hospital that she was to be taken off of life support. I asked them for another day. The let me. So it is believed that people on life support can hear voices and respond to the healing power of touch. I figured why not give it a try. So I stayed the night and read to her from any magazines I could get. I told her what was going to happen. That she was coming off of life support in the morning and if she could not breathe on her own. Well that was it. They were not putting the tubes back in.

I whispered to her about some of the intimate things we did. The places we went. The music we liked. I did whatever it took to keep talking.

In the morning the tubes came out. The medicine that kept her asleep came out. I whatever amount of time it took for her to come around the very first words out of her mouth were.

"Don't throw my clothes away"

We laughed and joked. She puckered up like Popeye for a smooch. A few days before she went into the hospital Gloria ordered sweet corn from the grocery store. I said "You need to come home to eat the sweet corn.

She said "Yeah I ordered the sweet corn and then I died" I wasn't surprised that she would say something like that

She said she could not wait to come home.

I had been at the hospital for about  2 1/2 to 3 days. We talked. We laughed. I need to eat and sleep. The hospital was about 35 minutes and since I do not drive I had to depend on a friend for a ride back and forth. Which meant I had to be waiting outside for my ride.

Looking back it was wishful thinking that she would be coming home.  But sometimes wishful thinking is all you have. So we decided it was best for me to go home and eat and sleep. As I walked away just before the elevator doors close I heard her say

"I love you"

It was the last time I would hear her voice.

I was only home about 2 hours or so when the hospital called and said her situation was not good and that she was asking for me.

My ride was not available but I managed to get a taxi and by time I got there she was out of it. Barely breathing. She hung on till about 5:30 in the morning. In between I read more and talked more sat by her bedside.

Something that I will never forget happened just before she was to take her last few breaths I looked at her and her eyes were open just a bit. Enough to see me. I will never forget her eyelashes being open that little bit.

It reminded me of just how strong and determined she could be.

It did not strike me until a few months later. Just how lucky we were to have that last day together.

I think more importantly was that last second. I learned how long a second can be and what can be accomplished in that time. Gloria wanted me there. It was important to her. I was able to make it there. I was the last face she wanted to see. I'm sure it gave her assurance that I loved her and cared for her.

Gloria and I talked very little about our past. It just didn't matter. There were little things but not complete stories.

I suspect she had a very high IQ. Throughout the years she never ceased to amaze me at how smart she was.

It's a guy thing. We would be figuring out our computers or internet connection. In the end she was right but I never told her that. LOL

She left home in the eight grade. Lived on the streets of Detroit, Michigan. She said drugs took her down fast. She moved around the country. Then our paths crossed.

Before leaving school set a record in track and field. When she went back years later for her school records the plaque was still there with her name on it.

She was proud of that.

We met online on a gaming site. It was a keno room. Funny Farm anything goes.

I started out as RoylPain. I did not know anybody in the room. I was at home sipping single malt scotch and even though they were joking around, I felt things were boring.

LOL I told an off color joke. They hated me but could not deny that it was funny. They did not think I would come back. So the next day I went into the room under a different name. They were talking about me. LOL  So I went back in as RoylPain.

It did not take long for Gloria and I to find each other. She emailed me and the rest is history. It was her sense of humor that made me want to meet her. I was going to go see her LOL but she more or less invited herself to come and see me.

She ran out of money in about 3 days. I  did not say anything. I thought it was funny.

No fear. Live this life. I don't think she had money to go home if things did not work out.

It was her enthusiasm. She was not even here with me . She called me and it was "We have to get pet names for each other"

She was not afraid to love. She was fearless when it came to loving.

She found us an apartment. Before I knew it her dad and uncle brought her clothes, computer, bed etc. It seemed like a house full of stuff.

It was funny because the place that supplied her oxygen tanks was across the street from where I was living.

Maybe it was destiny. What ever it was it was fun.

It was her first time on a airplane.

She was living with her parents when we met. Somehow she was able to contact them and they reunited. She was in a shelter in Florida.  They were in Michigan. The doctors gave her a few years to live. She lasted 14. Her parents bought her a computer and she learned how to use it.

She was looking at a life of living with her parents. It was a very loving family. Being with me was her second chance at having a life. She made new friends. Did more things with people her own age.

I am glad I was there for her to have that chance. LOL Have sex. And to just be in love.

It was the internet that saved her as it was pretty much her only contact with the outside world. It fascinates me how paths cross. We both ended up in that game room. I told that joke....

There was the time we unknowingly set off the fire alarm. It went directly to the fire department. It was a big building but we were the only ones living there. It happened twice. But anyway. We heard the firetrucks and were rubber necking out the window wondering where the fire was. Next thing we know the firemen were knocking on our door ask us where the fire was.

So she was sitting in a chair by the window. she had a over sized T shirt on but no underwear. You could only see a little bit of butt. I never seen so many firemen come into a building where there was no fire. I think every single one of them had to walk thru the apartment to make sure.

It was only a little bit of butt.
It's a guy thing. So I understood.

I have to laugh about it now because they were probably saying. You have to go in there the woman has no underwear on. It was a big deal. A bigger event than if there was a fire.

I'm just glad it did not happen the time she left the living room and came back dressed as a high school cheerleader. She had a lollipop and pigtails. I told her she was crazy. She said she was creative. I could not disagree. I do not remember where she got the outfit and the giant lollipop but it was pretty funny.

The second time she was cooking something and fell asleep in the kitchen. I do not know if she was wearing underwear or not. But there was a half gallon of scotch and a half gallon  of vodka on the counter. I do not know if we were drinking. Gloria did not drink much. But anyway those bottles on the counter made us look bad. I think that incident made the paper. It was just smoke but they brought in fans.

I gave her the screen name Pussaroni. Not every site appreciated it. LOL We did. LOL I was PeckeroniPizza for awhile before settling on Marathongman.

The last seven years of her life were spent in her pajamas in the apartment. Leaving only to go to doctors appointments. I think in those seven years a friend took her to Walmart two or three times.

But in those seven years I never saw her unhappy.

So anyway

 Gloria lived for 1,775,260,800 seconds right down to the last one.

I never knew a second could be so long or mean so much

It only takes a second to say "I love you" or just to be seen. I guess there is a lesson there. Be careful what you do with your seconds.

Some people lose someone after an argument and do not get the chance to say I am sorry

I did plant a tree in Gloria's memory. I mixed her ashes into the soil. I buried a time capsule. Some of the things she liked. LOL that R rated DVD she liked. LOL it was fun to put together pieces of her life. Pictures of her. Old drivers license. Her obituary. Some music CDs we both enjoyed. I want people to know she was here. She existed. She was somebody. Somebody I love very much.

 This is cool

From and including: Sunday, April 13, 1958
To and including: Monday, July 17, 2014

    56 years, 3 months, 2 days including the end date
    20,547 days can be converted to one of these units:
    1,775,260,800 seconds
    29,587,680 minutes
    493,128 hours
    20,547 days
    2935 weeks and 2 days
    5629.32% of a common year (365 days)

So that is  obituary about a life that was lived. We had fun. We laughed a lot. So why not share that with the rest of the world?